Star Trek: The Pooping conundrum

Inspired by Villian-Supporter on Reddit

It was on a grey rocky planet with minimum atmosphere where puddles of ooze were discovered. Within those small pools of amniotic fluid a bacteria was scanned, collected and sent back to Earth for further study.

A man named Richard Egesta made this bacteria his life’s work.

What he discovered changed the world.

The bacteria ingested matter much like humans ingested oxygen. Once digested the waste was excreted like carbon dioxide.

First he injected it into mice. His excitement when the mice stopped excreting poo was immense.

He applied for human trials and was denied.

So he injected himself with the bacteria.

For two years he managed to avoid the bathroom, the only problem was his breath stunk so bad he was no longer able to hold vocal conversations with people.

He eventually lost his Star Fleet commission and died begging to be listened to, “No one need go to the latrine ever again,” he would scream.

But people could only flinch at the smell in response.

It took fifty years after his death for the right scientist, Commander Halitosis, to discover his research, tweak it and win the right for human trials.

Egesta ultimately was given credit for revolutionizing human waste management and ending the human shit problem, but sadly Halitosis would always be associated with bad breath.


Author: Bryan Aiello

I call NYC home and wish the subway went everywhere and Times Square didn't suck. I saw John Turturro once. Maybe it was him. He was wearing a yellow shirt and smiled at me like he knew I knew. I am an Army vet who writes. I like characters who want more then they deserve. I like genre fiction. I love space. I love paladins. One day I might write a paladin in space story. Just you wait. The university of South Florida spit me out with a degree in creative writing and I find myself questioning the sanity of going to a school that advertises a fake beach on its brochure ever since. I intuit grammar. I Got married in 2012 We had twins in 2015. I do a lot of cooking and dog walking and ranting about the unfairness of sentience. You can follow me on Twitter: @bryaiello Wattpad: My Subreddit: My Reddit profile: Like my work? Become a patron at:

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